How To Lead A More Whimsical Reading Life; or The Ballad Of Tuesday John

We currently live in an age of pre-ordered surprises. The siren call of subscription boxes is so hard to resist, but the prices are so often outrageously high. You want the whimsy and surprise of having a book given to you, but it's hard to justify the expense. Let me tell you: there is a cheaper, more personal, and much more quirky way to lead the whimsical reading life you've always wanted.

Let me tell you a story about a man named Tuesday John.

On a Tuesday I was working at the bookstore. I was at the cash register, and it was proving to be a normal day. A man walks up to the counter and asks me for a recommendation. This is by far my favorite part of the job.

So I say, "Who is the book for?"

He says, "Me."

I say, "Oh, what kind of books do you like?"

He says, "Anything."

Now I call mother fuckers out on that kind of bullshit, because no you do not like anything, don't even try to lie to me.

He explained to me that he wants me to pick out any book and give it to him. Completely thrown off by the boldness of his request, I walked over to literature. I hesitated, then chose Geek Love by Katherine Dunn. I was about to go into my spiel about the book to explain that it wasn't about geeks in love, but he stopped me short. He didn't want to know anything about it ahead of time. He would purchase the book, no questions asked. And he did.

When I recounted this bizarre experience to my coworkers, they immediately knew who I was talking about. John has been coming into the store every other Tuesday for at least a year, buying whatever book he was given by a bookseller.

Can you imagine anything more whimsical than this?? The quirk level is so high, I feel like I'm living in Amélie's Paris every other Tuesday. And you know what? You can replicate this SO easily at any used bookstore or the library. You can pop in once a month, once a week, or whenever you feel slump-y. You can opt to share a little about your tastes with the bookseller or librarian, or go in blind like Tuesday John. Giving recommendations is literally every book fan's favorite part of bookish jobs, so PLEASE don't hesitate to ask.

This DIY approach to a more whimsical reading life has so many benefits. 

1 // Interesting, cheap books you may not have heard of.
2 // You give yourself a reason to visit the home of many books. FUN.
3 // You become a regular and you might get a cool nickname like Tuesday John.
4 // New bookish friends.

We now have a spreadsheet in the break room of what has been recommended to Tuesday John and by whom. Everybody knows him, and he knows us. Whenever I see him, we have great conversations about the books he's been reading, and I try to get him to compare my coworkers' choices and determine whether or not I'm the recommendation queen. Tuesday John is now a friend to anybody he talks to at the bookstore and he knows us on a level that a lot of people don't, because he learns all of our favorite books. And he knows he has someone to talk to about the book he just finished.

Isn't that more fun than a random book in a box at your door?

If you decide to inject some whimsy into your reading life, please recount how it goes in the comments!

New Glasses & Books That Would Look Better With Them

Maybe you don't know this about me, but I wear glasses!! Yes, it's true. I need them to see, but I still don't wear them very often. Maybe if I had to read a book from 20 feet away I would, but otherwise my vision is good enough to navigate the world.

But, you know what? Glasses are really extraordinarily cute. Cuter yet?
~*Cheap glasses*~

GlassesShop was kind enough to send me a pair of ~*prescription eyeglasses*~ to try. This was really ideal considering I'm a bookseller now and need to look more bookish and difficult to approach. I went with the Clementine Cat Eye in purple, because I want to be both glam and sassy at the same time. Here they are on my face.

Wow, I look so cool!!!!

I actually love them. Anyway, it really got me thinking, who else is missing out on these super cool glasses and sunglasses? Static images of humans on book covers! I am here to save a few of my favorite book faces with some photoshopped pairs of sassy cat eye glasses. Meow.

BOOKS THAT WOULD LOOK BETTER WITH GLASSES

This dude is a straight mess, am I right? Let's add a little definition to this hairy situation with a pair of glasses! He still may not have eyes, but he's looking pretty classy to me! The purple complements the green beautifully. He is ready to navigate post-apocalyptic 1060's England in style!

This iconic Great Gatsby face is finally getting the upgrade it needs and deserves! Just try to tell me that the glasses don't class up this cover. JUST TRY.

What was once a very troubled/orgasmic man is now an endlessly stylish librarian who is about to sneeze!! What a pleasant read this will be. Hanya Yanagihara would be proud, I'm sure.

If you also want a nice pair of cheap glasses from GlassesShop, I have a special coupon code just for you! Use code GSHOT50 for 50% off a pair of glasses or sunglasses with free lenses (sale frames excluded).

5 Quirky Books to Make You Feel Normal

The First Bad Man by Miranda July
Publisher: Scribner. Jan 13, 2015
Genre: Literary Fiction, Humor
Source: Library
Pages: 276
First Line: I drove to the doctor's office as if I was starring in a movie Phillip was watching--windows down, hair blowing, just one hand on the wheel.


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I wouldn't use a British accent out loud, but I'd be using one in my head and it would carry over.

This is one of the funniest books I have ever read. Miranda July never fails to capture the weirdness of everyday life, and that comes into full focus in her debut novel, The First Bad Man. The main character is an awkward middle-aged woman named Cheryl whose thoughts are so quirky and hilarious, it feels like you're in the head of a more demented character from "The Office."

Cheryl's high strung, very particular, and very bizarre. She mostly stays in her own head throughout her life, imagining infinite lifetimes loving one man who actually doesn't give her the time of day and communicating telepathically with babies (who she imagines are all the same baby soul). That is until Cheryl's boss forces her to let her mean-spirited 21-year-old daughter stay with Cheryl, and her life completely unravels. It's funny, it's moving, it's poignant. It's very Miranda July. A warning: There's some (sort of) graphic sex stuff. But like it's funny and bizarre.

Every night my plan was to make it to dawn and then feel out the options. But that was just it--there were no options. There had been options, before the baby, but none of them had been pursued. I had not flown to Japan by myself to see what it was like there. I had not gone to nightclubs and said Tell me everything about yourself to strangers. I had not even gone to the movies by myself. I had been quiet when there was no reason to be quiet and consistent when consistency didn't matter. For the last twenty years I had lived as if I was taking care of a newborn baby.

Ghost World by Daniel Clowes
Publisher: Fantagraphics Books. March 1998
Genre: Graphic novel
Source: Library
Pages: 80
First Line: Why do you have this?


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If you like your quirky a little less whimsical, you have got to check out this brilliant graphic novel made just for pessimists hoping life is a little less shitty and weird than it seems to be. Illustrated beautifully in just blue and white, Ghost World follows recent high school graduates, Enid and Rebecca. Neither of them are planning to go to college and their future is kind of a mystery to them. They spend their days going to diners, watching/judging the strange characters in their towns, and stirring up mostly benign mischief.

It's really easy to relate to these characters as they do weird shit and hate people. I totally related to Enid. Her relationships with the people in the graphic novel PERFECTLY paralleled my relationships with certain people in real life. But even though it's funny and on point, it gets very real by the end when the girls start having to make actual decisions about their lives. The awkward struggle with this new found control over what your life is could not have been portrayed better.

The Sasquatch Hunter's Almanac by Sharma Shields
Publisher: Holt Paperbacks. Jan 27, 2015
Genre: Literary fiction, Magical realism
Source: Library
Pages: 400
First Line: Eli Roebuck lived with his parents, Greg and Agnes, in a tiny cabin near Stateline.


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Eli Roebuck sees his mother leave his family for a sasquatch one day. I was ready for this to be a metaphor, but there is legitimately a sasquatch (Mr. Krantz) who lives his sasquatch life in the forest. And there are unicorns. And bird people. And lake monsters. I mean, granted, there's still some metaphor. But it's weird. Really weird.

We follow Eli as he grows up and continues his obsession with finding this sasquatch. It affects all aspects of his life, and we get to look into the lives of people this obsession touches: both of his wives, his daughter, his father, his mother. It's a very strange, very excellent look at the effect obsession has on families and what damage can be done--and hopefully reversed. And the magical realism is a fantastic blend of whimsical and dark.

The Wallcreeper by Nell Zink
Publisher: Dorothy. Oct 1, 2014
Genre: Literary fiction
Source: Purchased
Pages: 200
First Line: I was looking at the map when Stephen swerved, hit the rock, and occasioned the miscarriage.


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The characters in this book are some weird, confusing assholes. The Wallcreeper is a strange tale about some pretentious weirdos who are married. Well, Tiffany married Stephen really quickly and then they kind of also explore extra-marital affairs, which is sometimes not a big deal but is other times a very big deal. They're kind of both lazily interested in a future together and furthering potential careers, but not to the extent that they aren't just floating around talking about birds one minute then quantum physics in relation to babies the next.

The structure is dreamy and weird. Tiffany and Stephen eventually turn into eco-terrorists. Their relationships get more complicated. But throughout it stays smart, witty, and really well written. Everything Zink writes is so on point. Her descriptions of sex, life, and death are all strange but super accurate. She's definitely talented and this book is definitely crazy. Zink captures how messy and volatile life and relationships can be, but it makes you grateful that you're probably less involved in eco-terrorism than they are.

"Wait a second," I said. "I don't mean to sound like a crank, but are you saying that what makes our relationship valuable is my willingness to suffer for you? Are you aware that I've never suffered for you for even, like, one second? That's what makes our relationship so optimal, in my opinion."

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson
Publisher: Penguin. 1962
Genre: Horror
Source: Purchased
Pages: 146
First Line: My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood.


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Ok, maybe quirky isn't the BEST way to describe this book. Horrifying might be better. Or creepy. But the characters who live in the Blackwood house are actually the quirkiest ever. Merricat, the main character, is super into magic words, not allowing herself to go into certain rooms, and poisonous mushrooms. Just normal 18-year-old girl stuff. Her cat is her best friend, so it's easy to relate.

Anyway, this book is a big, weird puzzle surrounding the death of her family due to arsenic put in the sugar bowl. Her sister was arrested for it, but got acquitted. Now the two girls and their uncle rarely leave the big, old house. You'll be immediately sucked into how creepy and bizarre they all are, and you'll need to keep reading as fast as you can to figure out what's going on. If you haven't read Shirley Jackson before, read her short story "The Lottery" then this. Also, this book has the greatest opening paragraph of all time:

My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Robert Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead.

Merricat, you have my heart.

Review: Selected Unpublished Blog Posts of a Mexican Panda Express Employee by Megan Boyle

Selected Unpublished Blog Posts of a Mexican Panda Express Employee by Megan Doyle
Publisher: MuuMuu House. November 2011
Pages: 96
Genre: Poetry
Source: Library
First Line: "I could never be a sports writer, unless my assignment was to write 'sports sports sports sports sports' for three pages"


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I don't really want to say that I'm obsessed with this book, but I think I'm obsessed with this book. First of all, I don't know shit about poetry, but this didn't feel like poetry. The book is like a diary. Some of the entries are just random, stream of consciousness statements. Some of the entries are more focused like "everyone i've had sex with" (published on thought catalog first, if you want a taste).

All of her statements are (mostly) funny, confessional, true, insightful, and surprising. It's like a collection of unrelated things that sum up to what it's like to be a 20-something. Some of the "posts" are really thoughtful, and some are more boring, unimportant details and thoughts of her life. But they're all thrilling to hear, because it's like looking into the deepest recesses of someone's mind. Honestly almost every page was bookmarked because I liked something on it. What I like about Megan Boyle's writing is how open she is. Not just in that she will say things that people may not normally share (or know how to put into words), but that it's all simply stated and clear. Her voice is mesmerizing and hard not to love entirely. It's very relatable, but that also makes some parts of the experience reading this difficult. Though she is funny and genuine, some of the things she says are troubling. Like many 20-somethings, she is disaffected and lost to an extent. Overly curious, self-aware, and depressed. It's hard to see her like that and see her talk about it so bluntly, because it's hard to see some of those things in myself. But I'm glad she was the one who made me look. And she made me feel hopeful.

I read this in July and it took me a while to review it, because I wasn't really sure how to do it justice. While reading it, I kept forcing people to read pages of it that I liked. After reading it, I kept trying to force it on other people. This is me virtually trying to force it on to you, because I think it's worth the time. Check out the quotes below and be charmed.


Some Quotes:

"Will smith is in 'men in black.' He is also in 'independence day.' People like to see will smith reacting to aliens. Will smith is a visual manifestation of the suspension of disbelief it takes to imagine realistically interacting with aliens. "

"Eventually I think I made enough funny/relevant comments that I 'broke even,' or maybe exceeded and moved into 'well-liked'"

"sometimes being with people is fun but other times it feels like I'm operating myself from a distance, telling myself I'm having a good time'

"I think some moments exist to be simple sentences that don't necessarily have a greater purpose than to be exactly what they are"

"i have frequently thought ‘i am trying to be okay’ in the past 48 hours without really knowing what ‘okay’ is or what i need to do to be‘trying’"



Outlandishness Rating: 8/10 

The disjointed, ambiguous format, the stream of consciousness thoughts, as well as the lack of concern for capitalization make this a pretty interesting read.

Review: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling
Publisher: Three Rivers Press. September 2012
Pages: 240
Genre: Nonfiction, Humor
First Lines: Thank you for buying this book. Or, if my publisher's research analytics are correct, thank you, Aunts of America for buying this for your niece you don't know that well but really want to connect with more.


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And now for something completely different. This isn't my normal type of reading, but finals week was pretty heavy and I just wanted something to cheer me up and keep me entertained. And I just really like reading books by funny, successful ladies who talk about how their lives are supposedly terrible and awkward, just like mine. Celebrities are just like me!

Mindy Kaling, who writes for The Office and is now on The Mindy Project (which I haven't actually seen) is clearly funny and smart. She writes honestly about her life, from the smallest embarrassing moments from childhood to how she found success in Hollywood. A lot of her stories are kind of painful, but she manages to make them light and often inspiring. This book makes you want to be her friend so badly. Kaling isn't afraid to be her quirky self and she writes it well.


Some Quotes:

At one point Mindy is listing things she wants included in the gift bags at her funeral (please can this be a thing?) and this one killed me "(3) a copy of a drawing I did when I was little of what I wanted to be when I grew up, which was an astronaut. Under the drawing should be written, in cursive, "She finally found her wings" or "...and we have lift-off""

Under the list of alternate titles for the book: "There Has Ceased to Be a Difference Between My Awake Clothes and My Asleep Clothes."

Outlandishness Rating: 3/10

This book made Mindy Kaling pretty relatable. The way that Mindy Kaling thinks, however, is often pretty absurd and hilarious. And there was a picture of her and her friend in a New York subway car, where her friend was hanging from the metal bar near the ceiling by her legs. That kind of blew my mind.

Recommended For:

Anybody who enjoyed Tina Fey's Bossypants, or similar humorous memoirs.